And so I return
In mid August I suffered from some sudden dizziness, shortness of breath, and chest pain. I ended up in the Emergency Room and that resulted in a few days off from work and some advanced testing.
Which resulted in me being relieved of my employment of six years, due to frequent absences and being diagnosed with a Fibromyalgia flare up. My mother and brother came up for a visit and I've been pulling the pieces of myself together.
It is so easy to slip. I have undergone a hosts of tests and have seen some Fibromyalgia specialists. In December, I will join a 3 week long (Mon-Friday, 8-5) Pain Rehabilitation Clinic. I am not looking forward to it.
Marcus, my middle child, has convinced me to participate in NaNoWriMo, a month long writing event. It's something that I participated in, many, many years ago.
One of the elements to recovery and keeping your head above ground when facing many obstacles, including depression and a sense of loss is to look around for what you can control and look for what you can do to give yourself consistent, visible signs of positivity. For me, feeling like I have accomplished something productive and improve my environment meets this criteria. So, I'm committing to one hour a day in the month of November toward the NaNoWriMo event with Marcus. I'm also committing to one hour a day in productive work in my home.
Now, to those of you that can bounce around your house and do all your daily chores easily, that does not sound like much. For me, however, two or three minutes standing at the sink for dishes begins to fill my back with pain. One trip of the stairs and my knees are grinding like rocks in a sand-filled jar (and feel like it too). Chopping vegetables makes my fingers and hands tingle and start to go numb, where lifting the gallon of milk from the fridge becomes a two-handed affair because I might drop it. By the third shirt of folding from the laundry, my shoulder blades are screaming in pain. Needless to say, I don't clean much or well.
One of the elements of the pain rehab clinic is the OT portion which is going to work with me to show me how I can actually accomplish these seemingly "easy" daily tasks so they don't kill me or overwhelm me. But, I want to start getting a handle on things and to start the habit, I need to get a handle on the depression.
Too many of my days lately see me wasting the day away... so, it's time for that first step. ... again.